I promised myself when I started this blog that I wouldn’t be pressured by timelines or false expectations to put words on a page. My desire is to write by the Spirit’s prompting. And in reality my lack of writing reflects the adoption process for us right now. The adoption journey is hard at times with not a lot to do but wait. The first 5-6 months were easy breezy! Lots of paperwork and small tasks to check off a list before the silence of waiting sets in. I’ve found myself in moments of sorrow and frustration wondering why we have to wait so long!! It’s easy to be mad and resentful to a point when we don’t realize that we’ve made it the norm. This is where I found myself a month ago…choosing to be angry.
So I decided to join the women’s bible study on Wednesday mornings at our church hoping for a little bit of revival from the desert called “waiting.” Our Women’s Minister, Debi Newman-Reisling, is leading us through a study called “Freefall to Fly” by Rebekah Lyons. Just the first page of this study was something I so desperately needed to hear. “It’s God whispering: I am here. I am true. I am strength. I love you as you are. Broken and fragmented. Let Me carry you. Let Me show you a life you never dreamed or imagined.” Up to this point I had turned this waiting process into one of anger and not one of joy, patience, hope, and TRUST. I’d slowly stopped trusting that the Lord has this! That He knows best! Rebekah mentioned something so profound to me in the video we watched on that first day. She said “God don’t show me too much, because I may try to tweak it.” That’s what surrendering looks like. To ask for just one step at a time. Show me today and not tomorrow.
We are learning through this process to lean on the only One that satisfies. There is purpose in the desert. To trust that he will show us the next step to take, because even in the desert He always makes His presence known!