At the beginning of this year the girls in our small group decided to individually pick a “word of the year”. Each of us was to pick a word that would represent our goal, hope, or focus for the year. I’m really bad at this kind of thing….like when you get asked to pick one word that describes you. How do I describe myself in just one word? Needless to say I avoided the task for a couple days. I kept feeling anxious every time one of the girls would let us know what her word was and why. Honestly, I didn’t want to take the time to quiet myself enough to think about it. But it became my turn! I really started to think about a year from now, especially in the sense of our adoption journey. What did I want to be the thread that would weave our story of 2016? And it came to me! PRAYER.
I’ve never been “good” at praying and I often wonder why prayer is so hard? I find myself distracted and unable to express my thoughts. And I rarely pray out loud with others in fear that doesn’t sound good enough or that I will get tongue tied. I recently started reading a book called “The Praying Life” by Paul E. Miller. He talks about the difficulty of coming to God in prayer because we are messy.
“The difficulty of coming just as we are is that we are messy. And prayer makes it worse. When we slow down to pray, we are immediately confronted with how unspiritual we are, with how difficult it is to concentrate on God. We don’t know how bad we are until we try to be good. Nothing exposes our selfishness and spiritual powerlessness like prayer.”
And boy am I messy!! And even more needy. My prayer life over the last few months has showed me of my need for Him. I find myself constantly asking the Holy Spirit to take hold of my mind. Thoughts of self-doubt seem to be the thorn in my side. Constantly questioning things I say or even tasks I complete at work, but asking the Holy Spirit to take the lead is empowering. For example this blog!! hah I never thought I would start a blog, but I feel like our story of adoption is something to be shared! It may seem unworthy of even asking, but my prayer for this blog is for Jesus to reveal Himself through my writing. For Him to be the focal point.
My goal for the coming weeks is to set a prayer time in the morning. I think of my Dad when I think of a scheduled prayer time. He is disciplined in his prayer life and I know that every morning he is up reading and praying in his office. I know because he will ask about my friends or prayer requests I gave him months ago. He will just say, “Hey! How are Daniel and Kim? I was praying for them this morning.” I am always blown away by his commitment to pray for MY people. The last few months have been challenging for some of my closest friends. Watching them in their valleys, with not much I can do. But Jesus can. And He will. Prayer has taught me to trust and know that He is good. Even in the valley. Prayer is meant for us to understand our place, which is in relationship with God, our Creator. So even when our lists seem too long or our prayers seem repetitive let’s be reminded that Jesus tells us to come. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30